I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
