Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you didnt know i had herpes?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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