god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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