I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize