3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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