Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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