One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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