Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize