You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
