dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
