This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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