I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
