Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
