My hand turned me down
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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