I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
