Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
