Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
