She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
