i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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