I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
