I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
