No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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