my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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