High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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