just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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