she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I looked at my own cervix.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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