It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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