I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
