the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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