yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
