Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
