Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
