Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize