I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
