in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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