The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
