do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
sarcasm needs its own font
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
