fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
