She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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