I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
