My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
