OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
