So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everclear isn't food dammit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
