toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
