Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
