Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize