We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
