I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
