At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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