Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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