Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
