We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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