I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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