I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
