I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
