see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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