if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just took my morning after pill in the library
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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