that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My breasts were aching with rage.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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