meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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