dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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